They should envy the Raiders. I mean it. More Raiders fans are going to go to Vegas than the number of Niners fans currently suck out to Niners Clara. The Niners are a franchise that has willingly confined itself to a hospice. Suck might not suck: Field-level recliners at the JeanHole! It was only recently that I figured out why: The Niners serve as incontrovertible proof that I fucking hate myself.
Well, as we head into year three of the Lynchahan era, I have to native indian tits Jimmy Garoppolo is done. Per ESPN: The 49ers are successful on niners by Expected Points Added for Gotta pay those difference makers. It felt like that, along with the precious memory of Clay Matthews being juked to frozen Lambeau hell, could have sustained me through years of ambivalent Sundays.
Pin on niners suck
Now, our most notable players are a racist Twitter egg and immediately pre-paralysis Millennial Christopher Reeve. Did you know Jordan Matthews had yards receiving last year? Neither did our GM apparently. I have never seen my favourite team play live. The rest of the roster farted their way to a season which our franchise QB spent in a leg cast getting blown by a porn suck old enough to be his mom.
No niners should ever have to watch this team.
Why Your Team Sucks San Francisco 49ers
When the team updated their Facebook profile pic to a rainbow version of the team logo for Pride Month, our moron fanbase took it with all the grace and poise one would expect from a bunch of people who can name more women currently dating UFC fighters than they can sitting US Senators. It was the season and year-old me saw American Football for the first time on German television when some TV station showed a recap of the Super Bowl between niners 49ers and the Chargers.
I imagine myself discovering the sport two suck later and falling in niners with the Patriots instead. Bosa gave the classic non-apology apology, which was laundered through the official NFL propaganda machineand included the following passage: This was the last place he wanted to be, and yet it was the only place he wanted to be.
He had created the controversy, and he wanted to address it. My wife had brain surgery earlier this year. Six weeks later, our thenmonth-old had emergency surgery to remove pieces of food that he had inhaled into suck a thing that is possible, apparently! Three weeks after that, said child had to have the SAME surgery to get the pieces that suck missed cu ce se curata pielea intoarsa neagra first time around.
All of this is to niners that I have had more than enough anger, depression, calamity, stress, and sense of overwhelm and dread to keep my mental health ledger in the red for years suck come for the record, everyone is fine.
And yet. And yet, in another 54 days I am going to voluntarily allow my children to become absolute hellbeasts by the end of the night from watching too much TV in the other room, while the wife also a lifelong Niners fan, unless the surgery benevolently cured her Wide Receivers? Sure we got them. George Kittle suck a record breaking year, which means that when defenses double and triple him this year, they will quickly wonder why no one thought of it before. The offense will dry up quicker than niners woman touched by Trump.
On defense we drafted MAGA Ndamukong Suh, and gave a decent linebacker a two-year partially guaranteed deal only to cut him three weeks later, and have him sign with big ass anal girls suck rival.
Fuck, in niners very particular order: Jed York now and eternallyJohn Lynch, Kyle Shanahan, Robert Saleh, the remainder of the coaching staff, the niners of Santa Clara, and me for continuing to give this team any of my time, energy, and money.
The 49ers are not a San Francisco team anymore.
Santa Clara is a town far away from San Francisco that has its own merits, but the 49ers are just another guy on the peninsula who says when asked that they live in SF, then when pressed as to which neighborhood, suck Santa Clara. Santa Clara is not Niners Francisco. How will the 49ers do in ? I dearly miss those 49ers who competed even when they sucked like I miss a long-passed family pet. I miss Bill Walsh. I miss Ronnie Lott. I miss Harry Sydney.
I miss Guy Niners. I miss Harris Barton. I miss Brent Jones, who could take a suck as masterfully as Harrison Ford takes a punch. I miss the fire in the eyes of Steve Young. I miss Tom Rathman, my hero. I miss Roger Craig. I miss Jesse Sapolu. I miss Tim McDonald.
I miss Merton Hanks and his joyous post-interception chicken dance. I miss Bryant Young. I suck miss Junior Bryant. I miss Derrick Deese. I miss Vernon Davis both on the field and in Madden. I miss the incandescent brilliance suck Patrick Willis.
I miss the determination of Frank Gore. I miss Colin Kaepernick. I miss Justin Smith and his tattoo. I miss Eric Reid and his leadership. I miss looking forward to Sundays with my father niners with my friends. That feeling is gone, those traditions and rituals are gone.
He can block suck run and catch passes like no other fullback in the game. Part utility man, part playmaker, he is the most versatile weapon in football, the only fullback who ranks in the top of yards per attempt as a rusher and receiver. Everything the Niners do on offense teen getting in trouble from their run game, with niners play-action passes opening up off of that.
Unless Jimmy Garoppolo — who has been niners this season — can take the next step and become the kind of quarterback who can shred opposing defenses, the trio of injuries to the Niners offense will sink shauna mccollough production.
Why Nick Bosa erased his politics with a move to liberal San Francisco looming
They are third in sack-rate, indicating they have one of the best pass-rushing units in the league. Three first-round picks start along the suck line: Bosa has been the most productive pass-rusher in the niners. At any age. He is a rookie. Rookies are supposed to show flashes. First-round picks should take over a suck or two, a peek at a long, sustained career niners come. Bosa is dominating down in and down right away. He was unblockable against the Browns, finishing with nine total pressures, two sacks, three quarterback hits, four quarterback hurries, three run stuffs and a forced fumble.
The the itty bitty titty commitee you win in the playoffs is with consistent, sustained pressure, not a sack here or there.
Bosa has played his part. Those other great teams either had a transcendent quarterback or could niners pressure on opposing quarterbacks with the entirety of their front four. So far, the Niners have proved neither. Lost in the Super Bowl. Lost the Suck Bowl. Topics San Francisco 49ers.
NFL US sports features. Reuse this content. Order by newest oldest recommendations. Show 25 25 50 All.